Your guide to writing your vows

So, you’re getting married - yay!

One of the biggest moments in your ceremony is your vows.

They’re the words that seal the deal and give everyone a glimpse into your relationship. Don’t stress, I’m here to walk you through both the must-say legal bit and the fun, heartfelt part where you can really make it your own

Step 1: The Legal Vows (the non-negotiable part)

Every couple in Australia has to say a very specific line in front of their celebrant and two witnesses. It goes like this:

“I call upon everyone here to witness that I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my lawful wedded wife/husband/spouse/partner in marriage.”

This wording comes straight out of the Marriage Act, so yes, it’s law! Don’t worry, I’ll guide you through it on the day so you don’t have to memorise it. I usually recommend that we insert the legal vows into your personal vows, to make it seamless.

Fun fact: Since 2017, the law’s been updated to be gender-inclusive. So whether you’d like to say wife, husband, spouse or partner in marriage, the choice is yours.

Step 2: The Personal Vows (the fun part)

Now here’s where you get to pour your heart out, make each other laugh, or share your promises for the future. This is the part people will really remember.

Think of your personal vows as:

  • A love letter to your partner (but shorter, promise).

  • A chance to share a story, maybe a funny or sweet moment that sums you up.

  • A set of promises, big or small, that reflect what marriage means to you.

  • A look to the future, what you’re excited to build together.

Step 3: How to Start Writing

Here are some prompts to get you going:

  • What did you first notice or love about your partner?

  • What’s one of your favourite memories together?

  • What’s something they do that makes you feel loved?

  • What promises do you want to make? (serious or silly, both are welcome!)

  • What do you imagine for your future together?

Hot tip: keep it real. Don’t feel like you have to write a Shakespearean sonnet (unless you want to!). Simple, genuine words are the most powerful.

Step 4: Keep It Balanced

It’s nice if both of you are on the same page with vows - roughly the same length, same tone. That way one person doesn’t end up with a heartfelt speech while the other says, “Thanks, babe.” (I’ll happily help with balance if you’d like!)

Aim for about 1–2 minutes of speaking time, or around 200 words. Just enough to be meaningful without you panicking about memorising an essay.

Step 5: Practice (but don’t overthink it)

  1. Read them out loud a few times. You’ll quickly notice if something feels awkward or too long.

  2. Write them down clearly, you don’t need to memorise. I’ll have a copy ready on the day just in case nerves kick in.

  3. Keep it a surprise (if you want!), that way, the emotion is real and fresh when you hear each other’s vows.

A few final tips

  • Be yourself - your vows don’t need to sound like anyone else’s.

  • Add a sprinkle of humour if that feels natural - it lightens the moment and makes it yours.

  • Don’t aim for perfect - aim for authentic. That’s what makes vows unforgettable.

  • At the end of the day, your vows are about your love story. Whether you keep it sweet and simple, or add in a cheeky inside joke, they’ll be perfect, because they’ll be you.